Disorder In the Court

January 29, 2009

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty.


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me?


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh…. I was gettin’ laid!


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh …. are you qualified to ask that question?


And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

mike

mike

95 Comments

  1. tayamichel on March 4, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    hahahahahhahahaa thanks for posting these๐Ÿ˜€

  2. Sukrit on June 19, 2010 at 9:46 am

    HAha.. wonderful war of words..
    Nw I’m even a bigger fan of Mike Shinoda..

  3. Timmo_LP on March 7, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    Hahahahaha Funny as hell!!! I can’t believe that those court reporters didn’t laugh at that kind of shit!!! If i as them i would laugh my ass off!!!!

  4. linkingal007 on February 11, 2009 at 9:39 pm

    Dude, where did you get this?! I want some more! At tuition some time ago, my friend said “bla bla bla twice a year, no wait, it’s once a month!” And I asked him “WTF? What’s the difference between twice a year and once a month? Math fail?!” People can be silly sometimes.

  5. MooreLP on February 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    Mike: You crack me up!! You might like the Darwin Awards books also. They give posthumous awards for people that do really stupid things. Apparently it helps with the quality of the gene pool!

  6. Linkaholic on February 3, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    And I’ve always thought that lawyers are smart !!!

  7. Sintia on February 3, 2009 at 1:25 pm

    LOL OMG!! That was too crazy! I fwd to my friends. One of my faves……ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?” ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan!…Thanks for posting that one. *still laughin**

  8. Ezza on February 2, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    how could anyone be so dumb and still be practicing as a lawyer๐Ÿ˜„ u brightened my day
    thanx mike

  9. Chloe_lp on February 2, 2009 at 10:51 am

    Haha. these are hilarious. Thanks. =)

  10. Ana_ on February 2, 2009 at 9:53 am

    Omg! Youโ€™re denigrating the image of lawyers!! By chance, thatโ€™s what I will become about a year from now. I’ll kill you Mike!! xD But I have to admit .. Anyway, this is very good stuff. And fortunately I am sure that I will not be such a silly lawyer. โ€˜Cause all of the years that Iโ€™ve been studying are not supposed to be wasted like that.๐Ÿ™‚

  11. LpOrcaPrincess on February 1, 2009 at 11:23 pm

    Lol that made my day.. and man what a day ive had. Thanks for posting that up Mike. Take care..
    Rose

  12. Imri on February 1, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    HA HA HA HAAA!!!!! LMAO!!!!!! and they say that im stupid…..

  13. GreenMachine on February 1, 2009 at 9:48 am

    lol big time dude……=p

  14. nillp on February 1, 2009 at 9:16 am

    oh my god.. no words for this one.. just the biggest laugh.. LOL

    anyway; see ya.

    mk’nil :*

  15. shinnizel15 on February 1, 2009 at 2:00 am

    Thanx for sharing that Mike .. it was hilarious-I could’nt stop laughing at all ! I’m sendin it to all ma friends.
    Keep smiling till next time….

  16. ACDalgaard on February 1, 2009 at 1:48 am

    That’s so awsome, thanks for sharing with us!

  17. alexmadhouse on January 31, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    Thanx Mike, i could not stop laughing the whole way through:))) Fantastic!!!

  18. SYED27 on January 31, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    that was some funny shit mike, thanks for sharing that with us=)

  19. lilaznoreo on January 31, 2009 at 9:37 am

    HAHA!!! that was super funny! i am going to send this to all my friends.

  20. Stef_No_Mercy on January 31, 2009 at 6:02 am

    hahahaha u made me RoFl!!!!

  21. Aditya_the_warrior_within on January 31, 2009 at 1:26 am

    lmfao !!!๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€ good one .. thanks for sharing mike … *forwardes to friends …

  22. DreG10 on January 30, 2009 at 11:19 pm

    Looks like all those years of law school just went out the door right? Oops! Oh well! lol. Made me laugh tho. Makes me wonder if with my low experience I can be an attorney too!

  23. Xemo_music_loverX on January 30, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    That.Is.Awesome. My mom works for an attorney! She’s a paralegal!!! El oh Elz.

  24. _AdRiFt_ on January 30, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    OMG THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!! Goes to email this to family and friends in the law business…

  25. sasummsumm on January 30, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    that made my day XD… that’s just another case of ” stupid question stupid answer”๐Ÿ˜€

  26. tpbarbosa on January 30, 2009 at 10:31 am

    lmao, I totally loved it hahaha.
    Thanks a lot for sharing Mike =]

  27. rocksylvie on January 30, 2009 at 10:02 am

    Thanks for sharing, Mike! I laughed so much! I hope that those attorneys aren’t practicing anymore! Bye bye!

  28. Vean on January 30, 2009 at 9:35 am

    hahaha rofl

  29. missdunno on January 30, 2009 at 9:33 am

    That’s the best thing I’ve ever read! I laughed so much, and after a horrible day of high school, that’s all I needed! Thank you Mike and all those people who are so intelligent lol… The last one was awesome!

  30. firefighter465ph on January 30, 2009 at 8:58 am

    mmm… really, i don’t know, how do you have time for that things?

    they are so stupid ( i thing Chilean courts are the worst…you must to believe me, i’m not kidding)

    the last one was so stupid…oh my god…my question is…where did they study?

  31. bangbangbangonddoorbaby on January 30, 2009 at 8:40 am

    lmao no worse than when i sat in court waiting for a hearing i needed to be in this couple beat up a delivery dude at a 7-11 and when the couples attorney asked the cop about the security tape that showed it the cop was like uhhh about that, the store manager wasnt in, so i couldnt get it right away, so when i came back 2 months later, it had been recorded over. The judge gave him a look like, you mean to tell me, it took you 2 months to go back to get your evidence, when you should have had the clerk call the manager? the cop’s response was well, at the time, it just didnt seem so important to retrieve it right away. the judge lit the cop a new one.

  32. MusicalMorphine on January 30, 2009 at 8:31 am

    Brilliant. Kind of scary, but brilliant.
    Ty.

  33. Madlen on January 30, 2009 at 7:46 am

    Omg we had some of those in the English textbook in the 8th or 9th grade…dude:DWe laughed so hard back then while reading those:DOne of my favorites is probably “Can you give us an example of something you forgot?”:DThey’re all so…amazing:D

  34. ThunderStrike on January 30, 2009 at 6:39 am

    “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.”
    LOL!! Best response in the world!!!! xD Thanks a lot for sharing, Mike =]

  35. connielpl on January 30, 2009 at 5:47 am

    this was the funniest thing i’ve seen in while.thanx, it really brightened my morning.oh crap the bells gonna ring, gotta go 2 my locker(i’m in school) high school sux

  36. Lori on January 30, 2009 at 5:13 am

    http://rimafauzi.blogspot.com/2008/05/disorder-in-american-courts-part-deux.html

    some good ones on here

    these lawyers might be super clever but theyve got no common sense lmfao

    Lawyer: “Did he pick the dog up by the ears?”
    Witness: “No.”
    Lawyer: “What was he doing with the dog’s ears?”
    Witness: “Picking them up in the air.”
    Lawyer: “Where was the dog at this time?”
    Witness: “Attached to the ears.”

  37. psykobouliz on January 30, 2009 at 3:45 am

    mouhahahaha I HAVE to buy this book! I hope I’ll find it in France! or at least on the web… Well, that made my day, thanx! I got smile now!!! =)

  38. kanurachel on January 30, 2009 at 3:03 am

    HaHaHaHaHa ^^ Crackin!!!

  39. LPmAgaS on January 30, 2009 at 1:35 am

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:P:P:P LOL!!! LOL!!!

  40. Shinodabestfriend on January 30, 2009 at 1:29 am

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! the last one! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

  41. stardust001 on January 30, 2009 at 1:04 am

    The voodoo one was e-p-i-c!

    Thanks for sharing these, really made my day.๐Ÿ™‚

  42. Gabry94LinkinParkfan23 on January 30, 2009 at 12:42 am

    omg its so funny!!!! XDD i cant stop laughin’, my god..๐Ÿ˜„ “ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.” LMAO… veeery good Mike, ty 4 sharin’ with us๐Ÿ™‚ take care, Gabry

  43. lynndarwinharris on January 29, 2009 at 10:55 pm

    That was funny!! Thanks for making me laugh!! Had a bad day, thanks for making it better!

  44. soyuneik on January 29, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    “ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.”

    http://www.filefactory.com/file/a04652e/n/MechVooWitchesBrewSkit_mp3
    lol…

  45. SarahLikEMoOncrY on January 29, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    How to post images?? T T

  46. numbrocker02 on January 29, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    ROTFL!!! That was awesome Mike! I think I’ll buy that book. Thanks for sharing!

  47. Hawaii_LP_fan on January 29, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Definitely disorder in the courts…haha. And here I thought, how confident, powerful, and articulate most of these “hot shot” attorneys are. Guess it’s just a play of words? The attorney’s job is to confuse the witness until he/she confesses…so help me God. Classic attorney bloopers! Thanks for sharin’. P.S. My name is Cathy….NOT. Actually it’s Susan…haha! :o)

  48. ThePrincess on January 29, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    When I opened your blog .. I’m waiting an important meetings at my office .. OMG this is exactly like conversation as we always do when me and my all friend spent the weekend together.. yes we always discussed about something funny, stupid and was not useful at all hahaha .. well I will send this post to all my friends .. they must be like it ! Thanks honey for sharing !! take care ur self for me Please !!! .. I’M GOING TO THE MEETING ROOM !

  49. TiffTiff33LP on January 29, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    Thats Funny!!^_^

  50. CuteWhiteBunny on January 29, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    that is so funny!

    thanks for sharing!

  51. ShayShay86 on January 29, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    hahaha omg that was great! i gotta find this book lol

  52. ShadowerLiltani on January 29, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    The one about forgetting stuff is my favorite. Damn that was good. I can totally believe people are that stupid, my stepdad’s ex-wife’s attorney is even stupider. (He’s the kinda stupid that makes you wanna jump clear across a table and punch him). The voodoo one reminds me of that song from the Labyrinth where they go, “Voodoo? Who do? You do!”๐Ÿ˜„

  53. ChesterDEAN on January 29, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    You’ve got to be kidding mey hahaha!!! the best one was the “I was getting laid” one haha

  54. mike_n_LP_4ever on January 29, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    That’s damn funny! Thanx for the post Mike! That really turned my day around with all the arguing that happened in school today, between me and my dumbass teacher.๐Ÿ˜›

    -Cati~

  55. Philly_Willy on January 29, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    Holy crap. this is one of the funniest things I’ve seen on the internet.

  56. Lynnie on January 29, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Perfect thing to read at the end of a trying day!
    I don’t normally laugh out loud at things, literally, but this was different! I was laughing like a good’un!
    ~
    My personal favourite was the ‘WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!’ one.
    Beltin’!
    Of course, it doesn’t instill much faith in the legal system, does it?
    Kind of frightening when you think about it.
    ~
    ‘ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me?’
    ~
    Seriously loving this blog!
    ~
    Have a good day, Mike.
    Lynnie
    xx

  57. YuN_RoCks on January 29, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    hahaha I’M DYING HERE! LOL

  58. victoria on January 29, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    god, so funny xDDD, really awesome, take care mike, kisses frome spain one more time ^^

  59. murry on January 29, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    Hilarious! I’m going to have to send this to my lawyer friend.

    Also, I don’t know if it’s a fluke or if something was done, but I was able to hit comment and the website remembered that I logged in yesterday and let me right through to the comment box without my having to click through five different screens. I don’t know if you had anything to do with it, but it’s very nice.

  60. NataliaForgotten on January 29, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    HAAHAHAHAHA, thanks!๐Ÿ™‚ I needed that laugh, good way to annoy someone, I’ll use this, heh.

  61. NoMoreSorrowGirl on January 29, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Hahaha!…Shinoda, kill me!….that was ridiculously insane!…I wonder who sent it to you…hey! it’s 1am here and i need to sleep how can i sleep if those words keep playing on my memory!…get it out!…hahaha!take care:)Love yah!:))and my fav. part: ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

  62. durg on January 29, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    hahahah im dying๐Ÿ˜„, that was incredible<3.

  63. Aikaterine on January 29, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    LOL! so funny๐Ÿ˜€ I can’t stop laughing๐Ÿ˜„ you really made my day๐Ÿ™‚

  64. analoggirl on January 29, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    That was hilarious!

    This one is probably my favourite: ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Although the “Oral” one is great too. The “Voodoo” one reminds me of the hook from The Prodigy’s “Voodoo People”. LOL

  65. MS_Ineedyou on January 29, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    HA! Were those serious questions ??? Haha !!!! You always make me laugh๐Ÿ™‚ Today that is a good thing too, cause my day was horrible :(—Brooke..
    P.S- Let’s just say that my day started out with me falling down the stairs…-.- So you can just guess how bad my day was.

  66. Neil on January 29, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    AH!@ Mike funny enough all of these quotes are in my law book for TAFE. They are awesome.

  67. Alessandra on January 29, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Thanks for posting that … my favourite is the last one. I had a bad day so I really needed to laugh๐Ÿ™‚
    have a nice day๐Ÿ™‚

  68. PaintedDreams on January 29, 2009 at 12:59 pm

    aww mike, you make me laugh. =]

  69. Jaclyn on January 29, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    HAHAHAHA DED WIT LAFTER! You’ve really made my day =))) “speechless and rolling under the table”
    Thank you Noe_Kenji for NWILA pictures<333 can you tell me why the blue color (the woman's hair,the child's ribbon) became yellow, thัƒ woman's boots became red? or the blue color on picture from
    [here](http://nobodywalksinla2009.blogspot.com) was fake?

  70. Sonia_LPrnway_ on January 29, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    omfg, ROFLMAO!!!!! those are the dumbest questions i’ve ever seen!! those “attorneys” must get their licences recalled asap!

  71. skindesbous on January 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me? HAHAHAHAHAHA thanks for sharing HAHAHAHAHA

  72. MayJ on January 29, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    AWESOME!

  73. _MiHaRu_ on January 29, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    ahahah I just can’t stop laughing!
    my favourite is the voodoo one ๐Ÿ˜„ ..thanks for sharing..!
    ps,this is my first post here on your awesom blog…the first of many!!
    have a nice day! ๐Ÿ™‚

  74. Mechanoid on January 29, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    OMG I love the last story it’s huge =D thanks to share it, it’s very funny ^^

  75. Alexandra1984 on January 29, 2009 at 11:56 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you again for posting this, i really needed to laugh today.Have a really nice day!

  76. DLB on January 29, 2009 at 11:49 am

    ๐Ÿ˜„ Nice. I loved the voodoo and the forgot one. Thanks for sharing.๐Ÿ˜€

  77. shan1105 on January 29, 2009 at 11:48 am

    That is hilarious! I just got my LPU8 package and that MMM…cookies Cd made me crack up! My daughter really enjoys the song bubbles. I wish i could have of seen the making of…. Can’t wait for the new album. Stay well

  78. Dori on January 29, 2009 at 11:37 am

    haha very funny, Mike!!

    I found this last night and nearly jumped out of my seat: http://www.independent.com/movies/493/ I had no idea Mark Fiore was SB-based…

  79. Curiosa on January 29, 2009 at 11:35 am

    HA I was just about to share a joke w/u called Generation Y (also from an email). Don’t know if you’ve seen it before but I though it was funny. :)~ Here’s the link.

    http://forums.fortminor.com/showthread.php?p=1017153#post1017153

    I’ve read some of those before (also from an email) & they’re really funny. Thanks for sharing.๐Ÿ™‚

  80. Noe_Kenji on January 29, 2009 at 11:34 am

    hey mike, check out this picts of the NOBODY WALKS IN LA

    DSC03503

    thanks!!

  81. rockermeg on January 29, 2009 at 11:31 am

    Oooh my god that’s hilarious!!!
    This is my favourite
    “ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.”
    Man, don’t you just love lawyer/doctor conversations??? Those doctors are so awesome!
    Oh thank you so much Mike…
    xxx
    (PARAMORE FOR PROJEKT REV ’09- EUROPE)

  82. anaslinkin on January 29, 2009 at 11:29 am

    M I K E VERY INTERESTING OF REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

  83. cuz on January 29, 2009 at 11:27 am

    Great! Voodoo and autopsy ones were so funny. Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day.

  84. Doggie24690 on January 29, 2009 at 11:21 am

    Thank you for posting, Mike. I didn’t have the greatest morning, I needed a few laughs.

  85. lpcrazygirl on January 29, 2009 at 11:20 am

    :D:D:D:D:D thank you Mike for sharing this with us!
    That is crazy and funny and I laughed somuch. That makes my day๐Ÿ™‚

  86. SimplyMode on January 29, 2009 at 11:20 am

    I WANT THAT BOOK!!!

    “No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!”

    That’s the American Court huh?

    Kinda makes me glad I’m British.

    (:

  87. PankakeMunky on January 29, 2009 at 11:18 am

    wow, these are hilarious. i love the last one. i have no idea why a lawyer would ask if someone was alive when the doctor was performing an autopsy.

  88. miKer0cks on January 29, 2009 at 11:15 am

    That’s sp funny๐Ÿ™‚ I wanna study law but not practise it…I wanna be a criminologist (i know it’s weird and really mmm…not very common, at least in my country, I don’t know about the US) …..That was cool๐Ÿ™‚ You made my day๐Ÿ˜€ Thx Mikeyโค

  89. Scorp128 on January 29, 2009 at 11:09 am

    I don’t know what is more scary…that people like this actually exist or that they are lawyers! LOL! Some people just don’t think before they open thier mouths. Too funny.

  90. Kalini on January 29, 2009 at 10:46 am

    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! HAHAHA!!!!!! I must read this book! Thanks for that Mike! If you like books about the situation in the American Courts or lawyer’s stories, the new book of John Grisham “The Associate” is coming out very soon, it’ll be a llittle bit similar to the “The Firm”. KK

  91. cyco_green_monkey on January 29, 2009 at 10:43 am

    I had emailed this to my mom last month. She printed it out and my brother liked it so much he took it with him. Hilarious!

  92. ZU13KA on January 29, 2009 at 10:38 am

    Lmfao rofl wit tears in my eyes zomg that is way 2 funny 2 be real, actualy i read the last 1 in a joke book so i gotta take that 1 wit a pinch of salt but maybe its a case of life imitatin fiction :p if its true, hehe, did they even pass the bar exam lmao…hehe thanx mike u made my day๐Ÿ˜€

  93. LPAngel on January 29, 2009 at 10:35 am

    LOOOL๐Ÿ˜„ so funny! i laughed so much lol, thanks Mike =D

  94. ninguem on January 29, 2009 at 10:32 am

    “ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?”

    i already heard this in a radio a few time ago, is pretty funny

  95. Shinoda77 on January 29, 2009 at 10:24 am

    lol๐Ÿ˜€ uhm email huh..

Post Your Own Comment